Passion
I found this in one of my old journals. This is an example of what I have been thinking about ever since going to the Rock in Ames. Has the youthful zeal in my life been replaced by "maturity"? I know I'm still young, but I don't feel like like I am the same person I was four years ago. I want this passion in my heart.
God
I need your guidance. I need your strong leading. There are so many things running around in my mind right now. I don't even know how to handle it. Really, the way I want to handle it is to just be me, do what I want to do and do exactly what I feel comfortable doing. My flesh does not want to take any steps of faith. My flesh is very comfortable where it is. So many questions run through my mind at lightning speed. I can't even comprehend what it is my mind doesn't understand. My heart is seeking you. My heart is trusting you. My heart is looking to find your perfect will. My flesh is fighting it. I don't even know what to ask you for. Peace. Comfort. Answers. Yourself. Your love. You God. All I really need is you. And ironically enough, I have you, at my fingertips. Maybe I have yet to open my eyes to find you. Maybe I have yet to set down my burdens in order to embrace you. Maybe I just don't understand you and am not trusting you enough. Maybe I don't need to be anxious about this. I need only to give it to you. You know what I need. And I thank you for all that you are and all that you do for me. Without You I have nothing and I am nothing. I trust you Lord, I desire to follow you Lord. I want to be the woman you created me to be, the woman who can do anything through you, the woman who does exactly what you created her to do, and the woman who relies on you for the strength to do it. And then gives you all of the Glory for it.
Thank you for growing me God. Thank you for testing me. Thank you for loving me enough to give me the choice to do this on my own, and loving me even if I choose to do it on my own. Thank you for leading me strongly to do it your way, and for providing the strenghth to do it your way.
God
I need your guidance. I need your strong leading. There are so many things running around in my mind right now. I don't even know how to handle it. Really, the way I want to handle it is to just be me, do what I want to do and do exactly what I feel comfortable doing. My flesh does not want to take any steps of faith. My flesh is very comfortable where it is. So many questions run through my mind at lightning speed. I can't even comprehend what it is my mind doesn't understand. My heart is seeking you. My heart is trusting you. My heart is looking to find your perfect will. My flesh is fighting it. I don't even know what to ask you for. Peace. Comfort. Answers. Yourself. Your love. You God. All I really need is you. And ironically enough, I have you, at my fingertips. Maybe I have yet to open my eyes to find you. Maybe I have yet to set down my burdens in order to embrace you. Maybe I just don't understand you and am not trusting you enough. Maybe I don't need to be anxious about this. I need only to give it to you. You know what I need. And I thank you for all that you are and all that you do for me. Without You I have nothing and I am nothing. I trust you Lord, I desire to follow you Lord. I want to be the woman you created me to be, the woman who can do anything through you, the woman who does exactly what you created her to do, and the woman who relies on you for the strength to do it. And then gives you all of the Glory for it.
Thank you for growing me God. Thank you for testing me. Thank you for loving me enough to give me the choice to do this on my own, and loving me even if I choose to do it on my own. Thank you for leading me strongly to do it your way, and for providing the strenghth to do it your way.
